This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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