i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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