she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
