you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
