my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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