you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
