epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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