Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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