So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize