it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
