bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
