There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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