Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
