At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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