worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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