whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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