He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
