I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
