She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
