Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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