I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
