Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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