One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
