So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
