I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
