you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
