the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
