And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All the doctor said was why
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
