nut hugger
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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