I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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