I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
