well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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