Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
