I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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