When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
