Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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