not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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