theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
