I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
