I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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