Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
