Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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