that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
