she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
