so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
