I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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