I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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