his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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