ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
