I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
