I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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