My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
