I'm sorry my penis didn't work
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
