at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
