I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
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