their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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