I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
