He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
