come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
