I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
