I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
