I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
3pm strippers are depressing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
