i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
