And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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