I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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